A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
