Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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