I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
