Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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