On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize