i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Randomize
