She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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