I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
