First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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