So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
