My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
