My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
