So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
