I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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