Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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