you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
