Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize