I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
