I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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