I'm going to jail i love you
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
