I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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