theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
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Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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