I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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