I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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