That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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