Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
