Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
