there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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