Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
