If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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