He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
