Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
