I love black thongs
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
