One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
