Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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