I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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