Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
