so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
