a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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