True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
