First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
