dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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