The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
