I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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