First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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