I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
