You can't motorboat a personality
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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