I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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