You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
