No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
