I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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