Whod you bang
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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