My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
