Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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