if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
