im drinking this country out of the recession.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
