You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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