You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
