I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
