The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
