I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
