I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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