This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
