Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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