just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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