Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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