I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
