Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
