Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
