if i can run in heels then i can drive
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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