I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
two words...techno handjob
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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