hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she told me i tasted like america
i came on her dog
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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