don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
