I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
