my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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