I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
