He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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